Snippets

The reason I like reading better than watching video is time.... I'm a time junkie. I love choosing how I use my time. So when I'm reading a news article I can skim the boring parts and focus on the points of interest, or take a glance and decide whether or not it's worth reading. When websites and others post their news in videocasts, I get bored at the thought of wading through whatever unnecessaries are added. And often annoying little commercials get thrown in as well!

Well, we got the kayaking trip in.... that was a big "yay!" Weather and circumstances cooperated for a wonderful weekend away. Now my friend and I are imagining buying used kayaks.... maybe someday! Probably not for a long while.

The state is considering cutting funding for lots of stuff in their budget mess, of most concern to me, a great deal of cuts for human services across the board. We'll see where that leaves me and the people I serve. No immediate danger for my job, but it's an ugly scene in the world of charities, mental health services, foster care, abused children or women, senior citizens, welfare to work programs, ok, it's an ugly scene for all the people who are in the greatest need. Nice work, politicians!

Here's a mix-tape contest my friend's blog is having. For the record, I think it's an awesome idea!

And I'm very excited for a trip home, coming soon!!! The weather is supposed to be perfect, my little brother is being shipped in from the southwest, and I'm ready for family, old friends, and vacation.

That's it for this evening.

Let's Try That Again

Well, once again, my friend and I are attempting to have a kayaking adventure this weekend. This is our third and final attempt (our connection to the kayaks is moving). Her bike accident and stormy weather have gotten in the way in the past. I don’t have the heart to tell her that I’ve been headachey and nauseous all week. Today I called in to work when my morning coffee made me feel sick to my stomach. Last night I stocked up on applesauce, sprite, bananas and bread. Gentle food to soothe the tummy.

Maybe, just maybe if I rest up, I’ll be ok by tomorrow. And the weather looked to be all storms this weekend as well, but now is supposed to be dry and cool, with little fluffy clouds.

I hope it all comes together.

Social Networking and a Small World After All

The little girl who lived across the street from me, whose pool I used to swim in, who moved away when I was in 3rd grade, to whom I have not spoken in 20 years, found me on Facebook!

I love that!

In my mind, she was forever frozen in 80s hairstyles and little girl braids and barrettes, and here she is, a beautiful, grown woman.

I love it!

Only Time

Those years don't last forever,
but then again, neither do these.

Storms of Spring and Summer

I sit on the balcony. The air is warm and hangs limp. Clouds are banking, reflecting amber city light, so the night is not so dark. The first cold draft of air blows in from the southwest. The potted flowers are all nestled away, secured so the winds won’t blow them from their perch. A neighbor’s strange, little lawn-ornament, a man in a canoe, rows wildly. The leaves on the trees do a rain-dance: half-waltz, half madman’s lunge.

I sit head in hands, watchfully. Cigarette smoke wafts from somewhere downstairs, so I know I’m not the only one sitting out here on a night like this. Lightning flickers in the clouds and the thunder responds. “Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry,” fourth grade.

Today I sat with a fifth grader, who was weeping about friend problems. I remember those days. I gathered all my compassion of remembering about me and let her know that I believed her in all her misery. “Fifth grade is hard,” she said. On the inside I smiled as I saw this beautiful, dazzling child in front of me, who will be out of school in two weeks and who is well-loved by family and is filled to the brim with strength and resilience. But I remember the devastation of being singled out by a former friend in grade school. Don’t we all? So I sat with her in her tears. She’ll find a way.

It’s much easier to see from this end of things. The rain is coming down now, loud and steady. It’s making quite a racket on the window panes and air conditioner. In the morning, the grass will need mowed again, and dandelions will have sprouted, and life will have happened, despite (or because of?) the storms.

Free Time, Me Time

Chicken and dumplings simmer on the stove. It’s one last “cool-weather meal” to warm heart and body on these rainy days of spring. The trees have responded with bursts of green applause.

Today’s one of those “I prayed and you answered” sort of days. It was just a simple request, uttered about lunchtime and answered not long thereafter. Not an important request, but a reminder that God is very kind, and cares about our hearts.

This weekend I took days off, and I had so many ambitious plans for my time! At some point, ambition petered out and I was just sad. My little motivational engine just couldn’t. I need people. A phone call, and hour of coffee and conversation later, all was well. I paid some visits to folks, I did some other things I needed to do… got together with people. Then Sunday was a little structured with lots of interaction and was great! Monday, off work, and again, by about 4 pm I was done being solitary and motivated, and was just bummed, downright depressed. I can’t do it! I can’t stay all day alone in my apartment getting odd jobs done! Must leave and see the world! Must walk/run/drive/interact with some other life form during the day besides my cat! I should have remembered that from earlier days of living alone in grad school. Always, always, always leave your apartment at some time of day, for some errand, no matter how banal. Very important for sanity. It’s so funny how when living with others, they always seem to be getting in the way of “getting things done”- so distracting! But the truth is, we need those distractions and will create them regardless.

Reminds me of Dostoevsky. He often has characters who forget how to interact with people and slowly go crazy, do things like murder someone. Important to remember if you live alone.

Naw, I’m having a little fun at this point. But it made me appreciate “back to work.” For some reason, when I have unlimited freedom, I find it so de-motivating. A deadline is so much more compelling than all the time in the world, and I’m not quite sure why. In the same way, having many hours of my week taken up by non-negotiable tasks makes the free hours sooo sweet, and I use them well. When that’s not the case, it’s hard to be my own taskmaster. I fritter away and then fret about my wastefulness, but I still have a hard time allowing myself to just relax, do something like read a novel or watch a movie. I always look around at everything that needs doing, or things that seem more meaningful.

But that’s that. The dumplings are done. It’s time for rest.

Easter

On this Easter's eve,
Thank you, Jesus
for all the good gifts we have,
but most of all for your death,
so that we can have life.

As long as we are still living,
may we lay down everything
for the sake of bringing honor
to the name of Jesus.

Amen